I don’t want to go through this again.

The part whereby every time the door of the operation theatre opens, I keep looking out for her sight. When the operation was over, she was being wheeled out. My heart was in peace. I was really happy that everything was going to be okay.

I feel helpless when I heard her screaming and how she feel but I know we could never understand or know exactly what’s going on in her body and the feeling that she’s having. It’s really hurtful and helpless because we can only try our best to assist her and try I make her feel better. Yet when she scream, your heart would hurt abit because you know she’s in pain. Like what he told me, ‘ money is okay, don’t worry’ when I told him that the carpark charges are really expensive. It’s true because the more expensive the carpark rates, it means that I spend more time with her. I’m really afraid of losing her but now I’m starting to lose myself.

When I came home today, I heard her talking bad about her, I really wished I could shout back about her doings but I didn’t. I just can’t because I know how to deal with the word ‘ respect’. Had a good cry when I’m all alone, and I know I had to be alright when I’m done. Took a picture to remind myself that crying is ugly to always remind myself to not cry. I am okay and I know I would. I love my family and I want my mom to be healthy back again.

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