It’s scary when you start to realize that you are really growing up. It’s scary when the conversation that you are having with people start to be like ‘ so when are you getting married?’ ‘where you want to go after graduation?’ ‘how should your wedding be like?’ instead of.. ‘after school where do you want to go?’ ‘how to pass my o level with this kind of result? ‘It’s scary when all we always wanted to do is growing up and now then we are grown up, we want to be back to wishing that we didn’t grow up.
It’s funny when you think back and laugh at all the small things that you got angry before.. I use to cry to my mum because my friends said that they don’t want to be friend with me. So I would be like ‘mummy, xx say she don’t friend me anymore…’ It’s funny when I think about how ‘childish and innocent’ I were being young, laughing at almost every single things, ignoring and segmenting and choosing what I should hear and what I should not.
Time is passing so fast, I have been busy growing up then I didn’t realise that my grandparents and parents are getting old. Sometimes, I feel very sad that I’m spending so little time with my grandparents especially my grandpa because he used to be sending me to and fro from school when I was in the kindergarden. I feel sad whenever he sit there quietly because he don’t understand our conversation and probably hard to communicate with us because his ears cause him to not able to hear properly, so we have to always shout in his ears. But when we shout, we feel that it is so rude that we start to stop shouting only when necessary. It’s sad to know that one day, they might leave my side and I will start regretting not spending time with them because I have things to do and I’m always busy with other things.
My parents are getting really old especially my dad because he has been slogging so hard for his entire life for his family, for my family for us. Even though he always mention that he always had a bad time when he was young, he strive hard to achieve what he had today. I know he has a lot of issues to be worried outside, but he never once vent out his anger on us. My mum who has been busy taking care of the family, ensuring that we all study and eat well and all. I thank God for my family, my siblings who I always mention that if only I’m the only child then I will have all their love for me, but I know that I thank God for them because even though we fight, we quarrel, at the end of the day, we still belong as one family. Even though I always nag at my family especially my siblings, I know that I will always be at their back supporting them no matter what they do, because we are a family. I love my family and I will protect my family.
I know that I always mention that when I grow up, I will make lots of money to let my grandparents and my parents to enjoy their life, I know that time will not be rewind and I will not know about the future. But I seldom said about those mushy words to them because I just feel weird.. I don’t even said that to my boyfriend in real life except in texts because I don’t feel weird typing down. Laughs. I want to say I love every single one of them in my family.
it’s weird because my tears just shed when I am typing through these whole chunks of words. oh I’m graduating from RP in less than 3 months time.. 3 years passed by too fast.